Mean are simple creatures so generally, men are just happier people. However, there are many reasons that combine to make their lives happier. As a man:

1 - Our last name stays put - She changes hers.
2 - The garage is all ours - she never goes there.
3 - Wedding plans take care of themselves.
4 - Chocolate is just another snack.
5 - We can never be pregnant.
6 - We can wear a white T-shirt to a water park - man nipples are in no way offensive.
7 - We can wear NO shirt to a water park - unless you have man boobs In that case, a burk-ah will work.
8 - Car mechanics tell you the truth.
9 - The world is our urinal.
10 - We never have to drive to another Petrol station toilet because "this one is just too icky".
11 - We don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
12 - Wrinkles add character, not age.
13 - Wedding dress $2500. Suit rental-$125.
14 - People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
15 - New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle our feet.
16 - We have one mood all the  time.
17 - Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
18 - We know stuff about tanks.
19 - A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
20 - We can open our own  jars.
21 - If someone forgets to invite you to an event, he or she can still be your friend.
22 - Our underwear is  $5.00 for a three-pack.
23 - Three pairs of shoes are more than enough
24 - We are unable to see wrinkles in clothes.
25 - Everything on our face stays its original colour, the same hairstyle lasts for years (maybe decades) and we only have to shave your face and neck.
26 - We can play with toys all of our life.
27 - One wallet and one pair of shoes plus one colour for all seasons.
28 - We can wear shorts no matter how our legs look.
29 - We 'do' their nails with a pocket knife.
30 - We have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
31 - Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 can be done in in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier. 

Greetings dear reader. I heard an amusing joke the other day so I thought I might share it with you. If you are of Greek or Roman descent, you may be offended so go here if you're a bit of a girl. Onto the joke.

In heaven, an ancient Greek and a Roman were talking about which culture was the better one.

The Greek said "We built the Parthenon and other great architectural wonders."  The Roman replied "Yes, that may be, but we built the Colosseum, one of the grandest buildings that will stand for thousands of years."

"Hmm," thought the Greek. "Ahh, but we Greeks are masters of art and literature - the cornerstones of civilisation." The Roman considered this and replied "That may be, but the Roman empire  encompassed almost the entire known world. We brought civilisation to hundreds of thousands of people."

Once again, the Greek felt he had been outdone. Finally, he thought he had a winner. "Right you, we Greeks invented sex. Beat that."

The Roman thought for a moment. "True, your people may have invented sex, but we Romans thought it might work out better if we had it with women."

Goodnight, I'm here all week.

Let me leave you with a video I found amusing. This is a childrens book I'd read to my kids if I was silly enough to have them.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvdoPzrzWM0

I rarely get to read a proper newspaper nowdays since people seem to not leave them lying around in trains anymore, but when I do, I take the opportunity to see what is in store for me for the day by way of reading my horoscope (mainly because it's on the same page as the comics). Being an Aquarius, I am curious by nature and easily amused - the horoscope page fulfills both of these aspects of my life.

In that respect, I would like to share with you the first few lines of my horoscope, as determined by Jonathan Cainer who  (judging by the little photo accompanying his astrology column) appears to be about the feast on something or someone tasty, from todays Sydney Daily Telegraph newspaper:

"Whatever you do it will be wrong in the eyes of someone, who will criticise it. You will cause them offense or you will fail to meet an expectation."

I feel this is a bit of a "derrr" moment so I'll pause so you can say it ......

Ready to move on? Great.

I'm certain Jon C. thinks that he's helping out all the Aquarians reading the paper today, but the thing is that everything anyone does or says will always be wrong in  eyes of someone and those people will in fact criticise them for it. It doesn't matter what star sign, colour, gender, height etc you are, someone is always going to take a negative view of anything you do and chances are someone's going to be mightily offended. I know this because I generally offend at least two people per day.

It's not really Cainers fault though. Like every other hack astrologer writing up columns for newspapers worldwide, he's got to come up with a "one size fits all" type of paragraph for each individual star sign every day of the year and just mentioning generic things will ultimately appeal to a certain percentage of the population. I'm pretty sure that there are other Aquarians out there who read todays posting and thought that described them to a "T" and just as many who read it and rolled their eyes at it's ambiguousness.

Astrology in itself is just fortune telling, as much as Tarot Card reading and stirring up the contents of a bucket of goat entrails will predict the future. As celebrated scam artist PT Barnum, who was widely but erroneously credited with saying, once said "There's a sucker born every minute."

The interesting thing about these daily horoscopes is that there is  phone number included where you can get a "specially recorded message" that promises to give the "key to your future". I rang it once just to see where my future lies. I got 3 minutes of rabbiting on about nothing in particular then a minute of invitation to pay money to hear more. I didn't think finding the key to my future was actually worth it - I prefer the hit and miss that I've managed to survive for the past 4 decades.

I think I can comfortably predict my near future without relying on the stars, goat entrails or a knock on the head. I'll go to work, say something ridiculous, get laughed at and offend people and everyone will have a good time of it.

Except for Cainer - he'll be upset that I think he's a fraud and won't pay him for the key to my future.

Hello dear reader. I have decided to add a new category to my blogging - food. Specifically recipes and the joy of home cooked meals. To that end, I present to you the following recipe that I cooked for myself tonight - Chicken Rissoles (or meatballs for my non Australian readers).

Okay, first you're going to have to get yourself about half a kilogram of minced chicken. If you play your cards right, this amount will give you either 1 good meal for a family or 4 - 5 meals for a single person. For the time, being, dump the mince in a bowl - we'll come back to it soon.

Next, get yourself 2/3 of a cup of peas and corn. Frozen is okay but if you're a purist, shell the peas and get the corn off a cob. You're also going to need a medium sized carrot quartered down the length then diced into around 1cm blocks.

A small onion is next. Cut it in half then dice each half to your preferred thickness. My preference is small.

Okay, got all that done? Good. Time to hit the pantry and spice rack.

You need mixed herbs, black pepper, all purpose seasoning, garlic flakes, onion salt, one or two chicken stock cubes and breadcrumbs.

Remember that minced chicken we put in the bowl earlier? Time to add the ingredients but first, grab 2 eggs from the fridge. I used to use only one, but 2 works better. Break your eggs into the bowl of minced chicken and stir it up until you get a relatively smooth consistency.

Next, add in your herbs and spices - there are no measurements here, just use your own judgement. Stir in to gt it all evenly distributed. If, for some reason, your mince seems too watery or loose, pour in some breadcrumbs to stabilise it all - not too much though.

Next, add in your vegetables and stir together until everything is more or less evenly distributed. Now you're ready to form up your rissoles/meatballs.

On a large plate, pour some of your breadcrumbs - just so the rissoles don't stick to the plate.

Form up your rissoles by hand - the size is totally dependent on your personal preference. If you decide you want thin patty types, just flatten the balls of meat. Place them on the plate with the breadcrumbs. refrigerate for about an hour before cooking.

To cook them, once again it's your choice. The way I do them is to use dripping. If you are looking for something more healthy, use olive oil but you have to have enough dripping/oil to cover half of the rissole in the pan.

On a moderate heat, cook each side for about 30 minutes. Don't let the dripping/oil get too hot - you don't want to burn them.

When they are cooked the way you want them, put them on something to drain the oil away then serve them up with the rest of the vegetables you're going to eat. My preferences are mashed potatoes, corn, carrot, asparagus and broccoli but we're all individuals so pick your favourites.

Try it out and I'm sure you'll enjoy it.

NAME: Kevin Wilson
AGE : Old enough to know better
BIRTHDAY: 9th February

WHAT WAS YOUR:

1. Last Beverage: Bourbon & Coke
2. Last Phone Call: Blacktown Signal Box
3. Last Text Message: Cathie Hopkins & Michael Hossen
4. Last Song you Listened to: Working On It - Chris Rea
5. Last Time you Cried: 2000 when my mum died

HAVE YOU EVER:

6. Dated Someone Twice: No
7. Been Cheated On: No
8. Kissed Someone & Regretted It: No
9. Lost Someone Special: Yes
10. Been Depressed: Yes
11. Been Drunk and Threw Up: Oh Yeah!!

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:

12. Blue
13. Red
14. Black

LAST YEAR (2010), DID YOU:

15. Make A New Friend: No
16. Fall in Love: No
17. Laughed Until you Cried: Sorta
18. Met Someone who Changed you: Yes
19. Found out who your True Friends were: Yep
20. Found out someone was talking about you: No
21. Kissed anyone on your FB friend's list: Nope

GENERAL:

22. How many people on your FB friends list do you know in real life?: Roughly 90%
25. Do you want to change your name: Not really
26. What did you do for your last birthday: Still trying to figure out what I want
27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Sleeping
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: Someone who I can make a difference to
30. Last time you saw your Mother: June 29, 2000
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: Changing anything would mean I wouldn't be the person I am now
32. What are you listening to right now: Nothing
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Yes
34. What's getting on your nerves right now: Nothing really
35. Most visited webpage: Facebook, YouTube, IO9.com
37. Nickname: Backflipboy, Kevvy
38. Relationship Status: Very single
39. Zodiac sign: Aquarius
40. He or She: He
41. Elementary: Whalan Primary
42. High School: Whalan High School
43. College: What's that?
44. Hair color: Brown/graying
45. Long or short?: Short
46. Height: 5ft 9 1/2in
47. Do you have a crush on someone?: Possibly
48. What do you like about yourself?: I'm not really a bad person
49. Piercings?: None now but had my ear done and have three tattoos
51. Righty or lefty: Righty

FIRSTS :

52. First surgery: None
53. First piercing: Had my left ear pierced but not anymore
54. First best friend: Sean Boland
55. First sport you joined: Never did sport stuff
56. First vacation: U.S.A - Los Angeles & Las Vegas
58. First pair of trainers: Adidas

RIGHT NOW:

59. Eating: Nothing
60. Drinking: Bourbon & Coke
61. I'm about to: Consider going to bed
62. Listening to: Nothing
63. Waiting for: My 4 days off from Sunday

YOUR FUTURE :

64. Want kids?: Nope
65. Get Married?:Nope
66. Career?: Already driving trains

WHICH IS BETTER :

67. Lips or eyes: Eyes
68. Hugs or kisses: Both at the same time
69. Shorter or taller: Shorter
70. Older or Younger: Younger
71. Romantic or spontaneous: Romantically spontaneous
72. Nice stomach or nice arms: Stomach
73. Sensitive or loud: Bit of both
74. Hook-up or relationship: Hookup
75. Trouble maker or hesitant: Troublemaker
 
HAVE YOU EVER :

76. Kissed a stranger: Yes
77. Drank hard liquor: Yes
78. Lost glasses/contacts: No
79. Sex on first date: No
80. Broke someone's heart: Think so
81. Had your own heart broken: Yes
82. Been arrested: No but the police make random visits for some reason
83. Turned someone down: Yes
84. Cried when someone died: Yes
85. Fallen for a friend: Yes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

86. Yourself: Yes - you just have to
87. Miracles: No
88. Love at first sight: Depends
89. Heaven: NO!!!
90. Santa Claus:  No
91. Kiss on the first date: Yes
92. Angels: No

It is a sad reality of my mediocre (but fruitful) life, that I was ripped off genetically.

While I was born with the genetic traits of the average, but extremely cute (as evidenced by my school photographs up to the 7th grade - things got a bit ugly for a while there), Australian child, somewhere along the way, the gene that would have transformed my average head of hair into an impressive mound of red and made me just a little more special, got a little lost and bypassed me completely.

For the sake of creating a more entertaining story, let's just say it nipped off to the pub for a bit of Dutch courage around the time of my conception and subsequently forgot where it was supposed to be after closing time.

Honestly, who among you hasn't been in that position?

My hair is pretty much boring brown (except for those bits at my temple that are starting to go gray as I become wiser) and I really shouldn't have brown hair at all. It's just not right for me.

For starters, both of my parents had heads of jet black hair. My older full blood brother has a dirty blonde thing going on, while my younger brother can be more or less classed as being blonde (physically, not mentally) but you can see the red in there if you can get close enough and don't mind him gnawing on your forearms. One of my half brothers was a bit of a strawberry blonde but when he grew a beard, it was very red. On the other hand, my other half brother had the jet black of my father. Where my brown comes in is anyones guess. For some reason, red hair is definitely a part of my gene pool, albeit way down in the shallow end.

I know that, deep down inside, I'm a ginger. Like me, gingers are unique characters, often ridiculed by society for being different and where venturing out into sunlight is a disaster waiting to happen. As such, I fit into that role perfectly. Ask anyone who knows me well and they'll tell you how left of centre I can be, how much I am ridiculed for no reason and after 10 minutes in the blazing Summer sun, I resemble a bipedal boiled lobster - exactly the same as your average everyday ginger.

Red headed people are given a hard time by everyone. There really isn't a reason for it, but it does seem to distract people from their own troubles and our ginger brethren are more than happy to be whipping boys and girls if it helps out the cause. The fact that they seem to tolerate the term "Ranga" when being talked about shows a strength of spirit that demands admiration from the rest of society.

I do not in any way endorse the use of the term "Ranga" when referring to gingers - I find it to be a stupid nickname and whoever came up with it needs a good flogging. Even Wikipedia doesn't have a page for the term and you can find all sorts of ridiculous stuff on that site.

Of course, there are some gingers who are so embarassed to be seen in their natural state that they go to extreme lengths to look "normal" and fit it - and yes, I'm looking at you Nicole Kidman. Hiding behind dyed blonde and straightened hair doesn't change a thing. You are a traitor to your own kind and should be ashamed of yourself.

Unfortunately, it's too late for me to move into the realm of the gingers. I would have a hard time fitting in as a ginger sympathiser because my dark hair would stand out like a sore thumb. The only thing I can do is offer moral support to my ginger brothers and sisters and hope that, someday in the future, society will accept them and embrace their difference.

In the meantime, if I ever find out how my two black haired parents bred blonde haired children, I'll let you know.

Later days.

Trivial fact number 215:- Fourteen million people were killed in World War I, twenty million died in a flu epidemic in the years that followed - seems to me that releasing the flu virus would have been a much better and less messy idea.

Hello dear reader. I've missed sitting down with you and having a chat, but I've been a tad busy over the past couple of months with that distressing work thing I have to do so I have money to buy nice, pretty shiny things, eat and pay for my endless internet abuse. I have also only just finished processing the 350+ photographs from my friends daughters wedding in March.

It also doesn't help that I have had some interesting thoughts of things I'd like to write about while I am at work, but they seem to disappear from my memory by the time I get home. My brain just isn't what it used to be and all the good information seems to be leaking out and leaving me with stuff that may actually be useful in everyday life. A very sad situation indeed.

To this end, I decided to delve into the dark recesses of my hard drive and find something that may amuse and distract you until I find something even more interesting and noteworthy to write about in the future. So without any further ado, I invite you to ask yourself:

Did ya ever wonder....

...about people who spend more than $2.00 a piece on those bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE.

...how making a smoking section in a restaurant is like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

...if 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea, does that mean one person enjoys it?

...if people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

...if a pig loses its voice, does that mean it's disgruntled?

...why croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

...why a person who plays the piano is called a pianist but a race car driver isn't called a racist?

...why the number 11 isn't pronounced onety-one?

...if Lipton tea employees take coffee breaks?

...if people who read the bible more as they get older are actually cramming for their final exams?

...if western mothers feed their babies with tiny spoons and forks, do Chinese mothers feed their babies with toothpicks?

...if we are put on the Earth to help others, what are the others here for?

...what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

...if a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?

Later days.

Trivial fact number 214:- Dublin is home of the Fairy Investigation Society - which pisses the Leprechauns off to no end.

Dear reader, I am not necessarily prone to bouts of lowering my standards to attract attention, but I can't avoid the fact that it's Oscars time again. To me, this shallow and vacuous event seems to come around earlier every year, but that could be attributed to the increased speed at which time is passing for me now I am over the age of 40.

Since I don't watch the Academy Awards, you'll be happy to know that I am not going to write a long rambling tale of what they mean to me. As stated in the previous paragraph, I find them (and all other awards ceremonies for that matter) to be shallow and vacuous. In fact, the only part of the show I do take any notice of if I should happen to be in the vicinity of a television showing them is the "In Memorium" bit where I get to find out who has passed away in the last year. This was the only way I found out that Elizabeth Montgomery had died. Sounds morbid, but comes in very handy when talking trivia and wanting to sound smart.

Instead, I shall regale you with the story of the first picture theatre that I ever visited as a child. It wasn't really a cinema though, but the Mt Druitt Community Hall that someone had fitted out with a proper cinema projector and screen because he had seen a need for such a facility in the area that I lived in. Given the general lack of public transport and the low incidences of car ownership nearly 40 years ago, it was pretty much an ordeal to get to an "official" cinema.

If my memory serves me correctly, the first film that I saw at this pseudo cinema was "Tickle Me" starring Elvis Presley and I remember that it frightened me - you have to watch it to understand why a movie that was basically fluff could frighten a child of about 6 or 7 years old. Obviously, since the movie had been made a year before my birth, it was a rerun. That was the kind of place this makeshift cinema was - eventually, movies came to it and were shown and everyone was thankful they had a place to go on a Saturday night that wasn't too far from home.

As far as the cinematic side of things went, the hall was only really used in that capacity during the spring/summer/autumn period. I don't ever remember it being used for the showing of movies during winter.

Since the building was primarily a community hall that was used for a multitude of things, it wasn't carpeted and had a polished hardwood floor. This came in handy because it alerted people to the whereabouts of the "usher", who was just some strange guy who wore heavy army boots and would stomp around the place during the movie at all times during the show. I can never recall seeing him in outside of the hall in the foyer area, but if you ever attempted to whisper something to someone or coughed during a movie, he was right there in a flash to shush you. I doubt any couples ever found out what would happen if they decided to do a little kissing in the back row.

I remember accidentally emptying an entire packet of Jaffas onto the hardwood floor on one occasion. While there was applause from the other patrons, there was bitter disappointment from me since I no longer had a snack to eat during the show.

The last movie that I went to see at this pretend cinema was Grizzly on 1976 when I was 10 years old. For me, this was the scariest thing that I ever saw and I spent most of the afternoon sitting in the foyer because it was so scary. At 10 years of age, bears are scary at the best of time but put one on screen happily eviscerating people and it just becomes horrific not matter how many breasts are shown.

The days of the hall being used as a cinema are long gone now. After the summer of 1976/77 it all came to an end. The hall is still there and, from what I understand so is all of the projecting equipment. 30 years has seen a lot of change and, even with the advent of DVD, cable TV and internet downloads, the popularity of going to the cinema or even the drive in hasn't really waned. Most of the movies are pretty much garbage nowdays, but if you're interested in spending a few hours in the dark remembering what it was like to be a kid or imagining what your parents saw as entertainment you still can.

It only happens about 3 times a year for me.

Later days,

Trivial fact number 213:- St Nicholas, the original Father Christmas, is the patron saint of thieves, virgins and communist Russia - I think that sums up Christmas perfectly.

It's where before meets after.

Interior decorators, hairdressers and makeup artists are all gay stereotypes.

Women can feel good about themselves with the right amount of encouragement.

People are blind to their clutter until someone comes and points it out to them.

Bedrooms are solely for making whoopee.

Folding T-Shirts is an art form.

Proposals and weddings can be extravagant affairs.

Joan Rivers will always have a job criticising celebrities more famous than she ever was.

Yard sales can be fun events.

Ruby may have lost over 100 pounds, but she hasn't lost any of her heart.

Sassy black women can be both funny and cool.

Bill should definitely have never married Giuliana for any reason.

Dramatic reveals will always be delayed by a commercial for another Style Network program or a tip on how to do makeup.

Change is good.

Later days.

Trivial fact number 212:- Urine was once used to wash clothes - just another of the hundreds of uses for your wee.

Dear reader, I must apologise for leaving you in the lurch the way I have. It seems that the last time you and I sat down to talk was over a month ago and I haven't even bothered to call you or leave you a note telling you that I am still in the land of the living. I feel a little like the guy you met at a club who took your number and promised to call you the next day - only I feel a bit more guilt.

So, what have you been up to? Have you gotten married or changed jobs? Did you have a baby, get a new partner, march in a gay pride parade? Maybe you went out on a limb and got yourself a tattoo (if you did, I really hope it was a tramp stamp because they are just that little bit more naughty than a regular one). As one of your close personal friends, I really do care about you and it makes me sad when we don't talk.

As for me, it's all been moderately exciting. Thanks to some logical financial decisions, I've been out spending money hand over fist on new photographic equipment and updated furniture that I think I deserve to have. UPS was a pain in the arse but in the end, I finally got my package. In two weeks, I'm photographing my first ever wedding and a couple of weeks later, I've been roped into a photo shoot for an up and coming musician. Sometime in May there's the opportunity to do some family portraits, but that's yet to be confirmed - that one I really am looking forward to because I really do need practice in that area.

Usually, I tend to avoid shopping malls but today I had to brave one to buy rechargeable batteries and new phones. Don't get me wrong - the modern shopping mall is possibly one of the bigger evils ever devised by man, but they do serve a purpose. I just really don't feel comfortable around crowds and the only thing you ever find in shopping malls are crowds of people wandering aimlessly. Most of the people aren't there for any real reason, they just don't seem to have anything better to do with their time. One day, I think I am going to just pick one person, couple or family and follow them around just to see what they get up to. I am betting they don't actually buy anything at all and just spend their time window shopping.

I should apply for a government grant.

Another interesting event for me in the past month was that I turned 44. As my intention is to live at least until the ripe old age of 92, I am almost at the point where middle age will kick in. This means that I will have to think about my official mid life crisis. My preliminary ones didn't cost a lot and are hardly noticeable (unless you see me without a shirt which I really advise you against if you are offended by bulges in all the wrong places) and usually need explaining. I'm not exactly  will sure what my real mid life crisis will involve, but an 18 - 21 year old of some description should not be discounted at this point.

Strange, I'm 44 but I used to think that 26 was old. I have heard that we tend to think that an age that is 10 years older than what we are is considered as being old.

So dear reader, this is where I am currently. Excluding the hangover I know I will have in the morning, everything is hunky dory. There is no need to panic aimlessly just yet - I will tell you when the time comes. Until then, just carry on as normal.

Later days.

Trivial fact number 211:- King Solomon of Israel had about 700 wives as well as hundreds of mistresses - yet the church is dead against harmless stuff like gay marriage and divorce.